Life. Love. Laugh.

Hertiana Dwi Putri (t : @scattermind)

I used to call him “my dear nothing”. I used to fell for this guy. He doesn’t know that, I think. Even after I blurted out a confession about what I’ve been feeling for months to him.

In the past, I predict that it would be awkward and melodramatic, sort of. Ha-ha. I’m not sure, but maybe this because I already entering the acceptance phase. *singing “Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will beeeeee…”

Thanks to technology by Canadian telecommunication and wireless device company, all I had to do that time was typed it. I’m being honest for every word, although I used emoticon “:p”. No kidding. I’ve said it clearly that night that I don’t want another man for now, I’ll wait for him.

But I think I’ve had enough. And this is a record of a “battle” with me on my blog when I was trying to get over him. I think someday it will become one of my “haha moments”. I’ve been practicing to laughing about it. A therapy; because life is filled with so many jokes, so does love.

[Enter the time machine]

Page 106: Sometimes (Part 11)

November 08, 2011

"Sometimes you have to give up on people. Everyone that is in your journey is meant to be in your journey. but not everyone is meant to stay there."

Don't have a clue who wrote that.

It goes viral, I think

But i agree completely.

So, goodbye, some side of you.

This time for real.

For good.

Page 72: Adieu

July 05, 2011

I don’t know what future will bring.

All I know is you’re a good and attractive guy. All I know is some people say that a good person will find a good person. And some friends said that I’m a good person.

But maybe a good person for you isn’t me. Because you don’t see me the way I see you, no matter how hard I tried.

Still, I have to say, “Adieu” and let everything go.

I.must.try

Be good, my dear nothing.

:)

Page 71: Maybe

June 28, 2011

Maybe it’s the way you wrote about your family and somehow I can see that you love them so much.

Maybe it’s the way you look at me at that rainy night. The night when I realized that the feeling for you was more than a crush, and I felt so stupid and anxious.

Maybe it’s the way you spontaneously dancing and jumping that night, when you heard the song from your favorite musicians.

Maybe it’s because you gave comment about my blackberry password that night; you thought it’s too long.

Maybe it’s the way you suddenly said some unnecessary details from what I’ve told you, and you’re started to act as if you’re afraid I would mistook it as some “signal” – because you remember some of my stories.

Maybe it’s because that awkward moment in that DVD store.

Maybe it’s because I found you curled up in fetal position that morning, right before you wake up.

Maybe it’s because of your unimportant DM.

Maybe it’s because you wear those shoes.

Maybe that’s why it’s hard to get over you.

But…

Maybe you’re just being nice.

Maybe you see me as "just a friend".

Maybe all of those things I’ve wrote above, mean nothing to you.

Maybe I should stop. I should learn again how to let go and say "au revoir". I should learn not to waiting this long.

Because it starting to cause pain…

Page 23: Dear you…

January 03, 2011

I should have known this day will come. The day I try to kill this invincible butterfly that spread its wings each time you standing in front of me. You, beautiful creature that filled my head with imagination that “you” and “I”, could turned into “us”.

And it’s not your fault, for being nice. For just being nice. For didn’t see me like the way I see you. For make me wish that you do cruel things so I don’t have to put hopes on you.

I’ll be fine. My heart will mend again after this fall. I’ll find its pieces, and it shall heal itself, not in a crooked and lopsided way.

Page 19: Invisible Butterfly

December 23, 2010

I’m a 4, and you’re a six. Probably six and a half. I know we’re not at the same level. And I know, yes I know, you’re just another beautiful creature whom I throw my heart on to. And you probably have no time to catch it, and it may splatter on the pavement*. Ah, yes, same stupidity I made long time before.

You probably out of my league.

But I have the right to let this invisible butterfly staying in my stomach for a while, right? Just for a while. It probably dead before you know its existence...

Thank you. For being nice. :)

[exit. back to reality. laughing. bitterly.]